The relationship between my mom and me was tumultuous to say the least. A roller coaster of emotions at times to be sure. We were a lot alike but oh so different at the same time.
I won't say Mom grew up in some kind of fairy tale world because that would be untrue. Let's just say she was somewhat sheltered. She was the baby out of five children, though she didn't really get to know three of her older siblings until later in life. My grandmother had been married before and had three children from that relationship. When she married my grandfather, she had my uncle and my mom. So she grew up with that one brother for the most part. She didn't really talk about her childhood much. Every once in a while I could get her to share tidbits of information but nothing of major importance. She did say she resented her mother for working and not being home all the time like moms are supposed to be. That probably explains why she hated the idea of me working and my kids going to a sitter or daycare.
Mom told me she only had one serious boyfriend before she met my dad and eventually married him. Considering the fact she was only sixteen when she married, I mean how many serious boyfriends can you really have by the age of sixteen? She had always wanted to be a wife and mother. And Dad didn't want his wife to work outside of the home, so their setup worked for them.
I know I was a letdown when I got pregnant, not once but twice, outside of marriage. And since neither guy really stuck around much afterward, that meant I had to go to work to support myself and the kids. Mom made me feel like such a failure for doing that. I should be at home where my children needed me, spending time with them, helping with their homework, playing with them, cooking for them, etc. All the things a good mommy does. Not out working so my children were spending a lot of time with some babysitter or worse yet, at some cold, unfeeling daycare.
Mom was very opinionated about a lot of things, especially things that were really important to her, like family. Family was a big thing for her, and given she spent years not seeing her brothers and sister, I can understand why. You needed to land a husband and you needed to have children. Those were top priorities for her. I had the children, but I failed horribly in the "land a husband" department. She was thrilled when I finally told her I was getting married. Having sex without being married was something that just plain shouldn't be done. You know how parents have the birds and bees talk with their kids? Well my mom had that talk with me and it consisted of one word...DON'T. There was no "be careful" or "make sure you use protection". I was told where babies come from, then told you don't do that until after you're married. Plain and simple. So you can just imagine the disappointment when I came home and told her I was pregnant.
She was never happy about my having a job of any kind. I belonged at home. When I told her I was getting married, she assumed that I would be quitting my job and staying home after that. She couldn't understand why we couldn't make a living on just one paycheck. I guess we could have but it would not have been easy to say the least. Mom had this idea that there were two ways of doing everything, her way and the wrong way. That was Mom in a nutshell. It made everyday dealing with her quite difficult at times.
Don't get me wrong, my mom was my best friend. There wasn't too much I didn't share with her. Anytime something good happened to me, she was the first one I wanted to tell. Anything bad happened, she was the one I went to to cry on her shoulder. It used to irritate me how she'd call me all the time. She would call me everyday, several times a day. And if for some reason I didn't answer, I could hear her leaving me "why aren't you answering your phone?" messages on the answering machine. Ironically, now I'd give almost anything to pick up the phone and hear her voice on the other end.
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